The older I get, the more I realize how important it is to chose the right path and make the right decision. Yes, there’re time to make mistakes but I do not have time to waste. Time doesn’t wait on anyone and I am no exception. I’ve been contemplating of what to do but I could never come to a conclusion. And this decision that I am making is either leading me to a bright future or me lagging a few years behind…
(Source: 27x7)
The best kind of people in your life are people who you are comfortable with no matter how far or long apart you are from them. You’ll know who they really are when you meet again and feel like you’ve just picked up where you left off.
I need to set myself a reminder. It isn’t all fun and games when it’s reality we’re talking about here. I need to set my priorities straight and figure out where I want to be, what I want to do, who will be there standing at the end of it all beside me. I need to stop picturing and start painting. This year was an eye-opener. No more day dreaming; it’s time to wake up.
It’s okay to miss you sometimes, right? I hope it is because I miss you today. I miss you today and some other days. I hope it’s alright to simply miss you. I wish I could build the courage to tell you that I miss you when I know I never will be able to because things aren’t the same and I can’t avoid that. I miss you, but I know you don’t feel the same way as I do. It’d be an illusion if I’d imagine that you feel the same, but this is my reality and I can’t run from it. I think it’s okay to miss you sometimes because tonight has to be one of those night that I sincerely miss you in my life. Too bad, I messed up terribly and lost someone great as you. My loss, right? Definitely.
The thing with me is that I’ll always put other people’s happiness before my own. Even if that means we have to go our separate ways. Just know that I will always be that person you can turn to when the world turns its back to you. I promised to be there for you. And I intend to keep that promise.
Thinking of different ways to alter my current day-to-day activities is quiet hard… I’m honestly tired of my repeating same schedule every day. There’s nothing exciting in waking up knowing everything is already in stored, who I’m going to see, who I’m going to interact with beacause there’s a schedule to follow.
I want a change. I want to make time for friends, people, and have those late night talks. Smoke or jam sesh… But it seems like there’re no way for me to switch things up and find time for people when I don’t even have time for myself, unless I decide to stay up late. Typical school from 7-2:30. Practice from 3-5. Some days, there’re games that lasts until 10. Some days, there’re works. Then shower, family time, homeworks and I’ll be dead tired by the end of the day. I do enjoy what I do, but it takes away my time from my family and friends and I sometimes feels like it’s not worth it. I hate being drifted away from close ones… People think that I have a perfect life or tons of friends are just dead wrong… Sigh, spring break or summer really need to come faster and rescue me from this hectic life.
(Source: snoopeh)
Do we need to establish a name for everything that we do? Do we have to define what it mean? Does status really make a significant difference?
If the feelings are there, it’ll stay there. You’re naive if you think leaving will make me chase you because all it do is making me think that you don’t want me anymore. And that I should give you space and that you’ll slowly pace to move on and find someone else that’s better.
Don’t expect me to read your head, because honestly, all I see is mixed signals. You do talk to many individuals, and I’m honestly not sure of who you are talking to. Even so, I’m sorry for everything I’ve caused. Sorry for stepping into your life. Sorry for not chasing you. Sorry for being selfish because I’m scared and tired of heartbreaks. And I’m sorry for stepping out of your life. Hopefully that’ll be better for you because you have high expectations when honestly, all I can offer is my time, my love and my comfort. You’re just confusing, and I’m done trying to please you.
(Source: snoopeh)
Self-limit
“Know how to be content and you will never be disgraced; practice self-restraint and you will never be in danger.” - Unknown
It has always been hard for me to suppress myself out of an activity. But I don’t want to live my life without constraint, then regret it later on because there was no restriction. As much as I want something, I need to remind myself to set a limit before getting myself involved… I’m impulsive and I like to try and experience new things. And at times, it’s hard for me to excuse myself because of the inability resulted after “trying out” things. Therefore, this is a safety habit I should to practice. As nerdy as it sound, I don’t want to live my life without discipline. I want to be able to take responsibility for my own action and be able to take all the consequences. I don’t want to live a life that I will regret just because I had no restriction on myself. Having fun is one thing, and being responsible is another big thing. There just need to be a balance between the two and eventually it’ll weigh out the differences.
(Source: snoopeh)
One of my biggest flaw is being indecisive. I know I’ve frustrated and made many people mad and even unintentionally hurted a few that cared a lot about me. I owe them all apologizes.
(Source: snoopeh)
For the past 3 nights, I’ve been falling asleep with a smile on my face. The reason was probably because I fell asleep on the phone with people who were meaningful to me. Friends. But we had some really deep talk, about life, school, future, personal matters and random subjects. I miss talks like these. I’m tired of those talk to “trying to get to know each others” when all the other person wants is to “fuck” and none of those convos actually mean anything. It’s funny because I find myself waking up with a smile on my face realizing that I actually have some really amazing friends that I just happen to forgot about. Not only that, I started hanging out with different people. Going to lunch with this guy and hang out with some of his friends and met new people. I was myself too. Then I fixed my relationship with my mom. Patched things up with her and had some really good talks. Fixed and cured that mother-daughter relationship. She supported all of my thoughts and decisions which make me really happy. Oh yeah, and Basketball starts tomorrow, I’ll be back on the court. I’m also wrapping the semester up with good grades (except for stucco, but I’m working on it lol). Good changes are rushing in and I really couldn’t ask for more. I’m thankful for everything that happened this week.
(Source: snoopeh)
A question that often remains on my mind - Are we testing each others? Or are we really falling apart?
I’m not always good at noticing these small things. I think about it, but I’m not quiet sure of picking an action to pursue. And people are complicated these days. I don’t want to come off as too “clingy”, but neither do I want to come off as “not caring enough”. I try to look for guidance but it occur that the other person is doing the same thing. Then it all result in both drifting away. One is more damaged than the others. I’m not too sure though.
This happens in a lot of my friendship too. All I can say is, wasting time to push someone away is a useless consumption of energy and effort that took so long to build up. Why is it so easy to be the opposite of what we are rather than what we really truly feel inside? I guess it’s true we’re all somewhat walking contradiction.
(Source: snoopeh)
I don’t want my lack of interest and “superficial” feelings to affect our friendship. My perfunctory act will eventually ruins it. It’s my apology if I’ve given out any wrong vibes. Straight up to put it, “I’m generally not interested and I will not pretend like I am”. You were in a bad mood and I just wanted to make you feel better. I don’t want or expect anything else in return. I guess you took my sarcasm and joke a bit too serious… But it’s better to know that sooner than later, right? I wish for nothing but to save our friendship.
(Source: snoopeh)
